I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
