Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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