I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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