he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
