The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just threw up on my dentist
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
