I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
