I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
