Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
