im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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