yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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