He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
