i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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