problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Welp...herpes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
