I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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