And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
