my phone needs a breathalizer
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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