when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Farmville is her only friend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
