i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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