so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
