butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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