you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
