its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize