my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
