They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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