The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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