I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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