I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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