I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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