I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
