On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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