does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
