She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
