I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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