$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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