my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
