Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
