So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
