Christians are straight up FREAKS
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
