And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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