Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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