walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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