youre lurking in front of me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
honey bunches of taint.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
