Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
