I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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