You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
