3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
