someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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