I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
