I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
