Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
