She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
