He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think my moral compass just broke
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
