Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
