don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Mom said you looked used
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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