hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
