I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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