So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
