Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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