Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
