Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to have your abortion
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
