it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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