I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
