I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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