Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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