got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
