when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
