I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
