kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
