my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
