it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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