I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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