Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
