this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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