I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
