Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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