Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
