I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
