I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
