i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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