Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
