there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im part way to drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
