hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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