She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
